i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
