RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
