i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
