Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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