remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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