I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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