ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
