just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
