im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it hurts more in the daytime
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
