That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
