People in love make me want to vomit
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
