sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
