Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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