people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
