My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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