Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
