Already got asked if we're dating
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
id be glad to
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
