just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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