I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
