I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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