i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
