sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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