dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
