bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!