i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
