you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
