There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
