My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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