allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
