u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
