Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
