There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
