And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize