i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
