Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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