Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
