I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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