i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
