I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
