There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
