Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
