Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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