maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
