don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
