It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
