super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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