i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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