it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
