i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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