woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
