dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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