Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
