Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
