I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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