my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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