just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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