Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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