I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
