my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
